Now, as I am sure all of you have got the impression of, I am a huge fan of food - I literally cannot stop eating. If you ever bump into my Mum, just ask her about food bills. When I am not around, she is fairly content! However, when Christmas comes around, she always mentions the rise in the food bill. Anyway, apart from coaching on the field, you will usually find me in the Jersey United office. I always make sure I have little snacks on my desk - just to keep me going you know? Thankfully, the office has a refrigerator so I store some essentials in there as well. At times like these, I am extremely happy. However, in the office today, I was hurt - bad. Let me explain.
I like Pringles - you know, those nice tasting funny shaped chips (what a description!). At my desk, I have a little box opening by the bottom where certain things can be stored, as in little snacks. I was at the shop (Shoprite all the way man - only Americans will know what I mean when I say that - sorry Mum) and decided to purchase some Pizza flavor Pringles for one of my afternoon office snacks. Being the stupidly nice guy I am, I shared it around with everyone (it was pay day so the staff were all in!). I was smart though and ensured there was a sufficient amount left. So I naturally helped myself to a few and stored it in my little box by my desk. I then left and headed home - feeling happy as I knew I would be having more Pringles in the the following day.
Shock! I walk into the office the next day and my Pringles have vanished. It was afternoon as I spent the morning doing the inspection for my car (but now I need to go back as I apparently don't hold a valid drivers license - ahhhh!). So I was pretty hungry. There were four culprits in the office and I am going to name and shame them: Martin Brown, Danny Howard, Sean Davies (the annoying one) and James Morris. So I look around - casting the room for my Pringles. I walk over to the trash bin and there they are - my Pringles. I pick it up and notice straight away it is empty. I turn back to face the room and I noticed James Morris' face instantly - that face expression which pours of guilt.
Everything was confirmed as crumbs lay around the desk of James Morris. I questioned him and he denied it even though there was clear, hard evidence by his feet. Eventually he caved in and confessed. He then put the blame on me for leaving food in the office as it will most probably be eaten up by someone. I thought - yeah, silly me but I still squashed his head with my big foot. I've just remembered - I left some real nice looking sweets on my desk. I might as well say goodbye to them. You are probably thinking, "Why does he not get to the office early?". Well, I would but I have Kiddie Soccer in the morning and James Morris always arrives early - only to steal food. So yeah - there you have it. I'm okay now as I had a really nice Stir Fry for dinner - yummy...
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Well, well, Coach Gareth and food. Now there's a topic that could fill a few library shelves. And as the person who had to remortgage the house just to keep him in Marmite when he was younger, I feel more qualified than most to comment. It all started when as a newborn he broke the hospital record for the amount of milk consumed in one feed. When he started school, we bought him a Transformers lunchbox only to have to trade it in for a family-size picnic basket when we realized a sandwich, a yoghurt and an apple simply weren't doing it for our growing boy.. It all went crazy when he hit his teens and put on the first of many growth spurts. "There's nothing to eat in this house," he'd shout, slamming the door of the fridge. "Yeah, only because you've scoffed eveything," I'd reply before heading off to the supermarket ... again! The whole family (and the bank manager) heaved a sigh of relief when he left home to go to university. Big mistake - studying only seemed to fuel his appetite, and his monthly food bill ended up higher than his dorm fees. Thank goodness he didn't go on to do a Master's! Thank goodness even more that he's now on the other side of the Atlantic funding his own calorie intake! (Only kidding, Squiff! Missing you lots and can't wait to have you home for Christmas. XXX)
ReplyDeleteDitto to all that and more.
ReplyDeleteCraig, stop ticking the boring box - you will upset your brother.
ReplyDelete